Happily ever after

I was thinking tonight (randomly enough) about this trip to the park with Giovanna a few months back. I met a man there who brought his little boy to play at the park too, and I remember thinking it was pretty cool that here was this random man, who takes his kid to the park. How many dads do that? And shouldnt Giovanna have the kind of dad who takes her to the park on his day off, instead of the kind of dad who spends the whole day watching tv? I mean dosent she deserve that kind of love and attention? And dont *I* also deserve the kind of love and attention that involves ... idk... a kiss when he gets home from work? A "how was your day?" an "I love you" before he leaves? I mean its just simple little things that I dont have. and its bigger ones too, like arent I worthy of some overpriced wedding with a bunch of ugly flowers and ugly dresses? Why dont *I* have that kind of man, and why dosent Giovanna have that kind of father? I kind of feel like I brought her into this life where her Daddy isnt giving her 100%, and she basically dosent have grandparents because his mom is in mexico and my parents are too strung out on drugs to even really know what her name is or anything about her, and then theres me- I dont ever take her to the park either. I just sit at home, and play on the computer, and claim that I'm studying, when she asks to go swimming I tell her we'll go tomorrow. We've only been to the park 2 times this summer. I think she deserves better than a lot of what shes getting in life and I wish I could do better, and I wish that I had done better in the past as well.