Hello blog:)
Things have changed a LOT since my last post. I almost feel like a different person even.
To start:
I reached the point with Ruben where I was ready to end things, and there didn't seem to be much that would change my feelings in the matter. Even he admitted that he didn't think he could change. I don't know what exactly caused him to change, but he did. One night he came home drunk, at 2am, and was disgustingly drunk. He made me feel physically sick to even be in the room with him, so I moved to the couch. That night seemed to be the turning point. I had already decided to leave, so I saw no point in fighting with him. He asked me the next day if I was pissed, and I told him I just didn't care anymore. And since that night, in mid July, everything has changed. He comes straight home from work, and we actually talk about our day. He makes a big effort to play with Giovanna and to be sweet to me. He hasn't gone out and gotten grossly drunk a single time, and only on the rare occasion has he gone out with his friends at all, and he actually came home sober. Its been wonderful. I hope it lasts. He is more like the man I first started dating all those years ago... we actually laugh and have fun and discuss things that happen like rational people.
The other huge change has been getting my RN license at last:) That was in late July. The entire feeling of my job changed. I went from feeling uncertain and uncomfortable at work to feeling like it is a second home. I love going to work now. I feel so fulfilled from the work I do, and I love knowing that I make a difference in peoples lives. I am going to start working at night starting next week, which I am nervous about because its going to be a big change, but it is also going to mean more money and the end of orientation. My first day taking care of patients totally on my own is going to be September 19th. I think as long as none of my patients code I will be fine:) at least not until AFTER I have ACLS.
Giovanna is growing at an insane rate. She has finally reached the point in her development where we can actually have conversations. Of course, they are generally conversations about eating, sleeping, and going to the store, but they are still conversations:) It is amazing to watch my little person grow. I find myself feeling insane pride and amazement in her almost daily. I love that I see myself and Ruben in her, in different ways. I want to give her the kind of life I never knew existed, and I feel like I am starting to accomplish it. I am one bill away from not being behind on ANY of my bills. Then I will open savings accounts for her college, and one for vacations:) I have NEVER had a vacation, so it is going to be something amazing. I realized that with my 'PAL' or paid days off basically, that I could take one in February and one in the summer, without losing a single paycheck. So I am thinking the mountains in February, lots of snow, and the beach this summer.
As far as weight loss goes, I have had some success so far. 26.5 lbs to be exact:) Very exciting, but still not enough. I cant really tell the difference, although other people have told me they can. I have some trouble with eating healthy just because I'm a terrible cook but I am trying my best to learn. I also joined the gym at last, and very much enjoy going, when I get a chance. I think I have had a change of heart about the weight loss surgery, at least for now, just because I really feel like I have all the tools and knowledge and initiative to lose the weight I need to lose, I just have to DO it. Having surgery because I am not trying hard enough should not even be an option. I can think of much better things to do with 20,000 dollars-namely, a brand new car:)
I am so happy with where my life is right now. I just hope that it will remain in this place... indefinitely:)
